"Words can fall short/Can't see the unseen"

Please forgive me quoting Jack Johnson. I liked him when I was 14, alright?

But his words are the words that explain my current feelings about... words. How often is it we can't 'find the words to say' something or other? Or look back on the words we did use, and wish to God we could go back in time and choose some different ones?

I wonder almost constantly what the result would have been, of conversations where I used 'favourite' instead of 'current'; where I used 'love' instead of 'like', even 'love' instead of 'hate'. What if I had talked about music instead of the time in primary school where someone took all lunch time in the lav? What if I used the word 'lav' instead of 'bog' or 'loo'?

Sometimes, even simpler than that, I wish I'd said nothing, instead of something, or vice versa. I wish I'd said more, or less, or everything I felt.

But I didn't, and I don't, and I never will. And it isn't my regret that defines the way I come across; it's the words that you heard, or read. I mean, you didn't leave thinking 'What she really wanted to say was...'; you left thinking 'When she said that, it was a bit weird/really uncomfortable/the end of my world/unspeakably stupid of her...'

So, maybe, if you read these, and something I said to you once upon a time wasn't what you wanted, or what you expected, then maybe I was thinking about it saying whatever it was that you wanted, and decided against it, or only thought of it later. And if you ever really wanted to say anything to me, anything at all, feel free. Nobody enjoys that regret, and, at the end of the day, and the end of the week, and the end of the year, you tend to realise there was no real reason not to say it apart from the immediate fallout. So go on. I won't laugh.

I mean, come on, they're only words.
Sq.