The comforting ache/Of the summer holidays (doesn't exist)

(Maximo Park - The Kids are Sick Again)

They said I'd miss it. They being mum or someone, maybe even me. I guess I knew I'd miss it, because at the end of the day, the summer holidays are bullshit after 3 weeks.

You think 'YES! This is the rest and relaxation I get for all my hard work, I can finally do everything I've ever wanted to and life will be perfect!'. However, deep down, you know that the longer it goes on, the harder you're going to have to work to keep yourself from falling off the edge of late nights and late mornings, days in pyjamas watching DVDs and listening to music, occasionally reading books and planning when you're next going drinking.

Today, I think I faced up to the fact that the summer holidays, whether it's because it's not very summery, or because I live in one of the least exciting places in Britain, or a combination of these and other factors, are in fact like a disgusting Pergatory. Especially this one, where I am waiting for results which will change my life completely. I just began typing an essay, maybe to prove I could, maybe to bring back the feelings.

I have stoped part-way through to tell you this; I am sat in my kitchen, in the same place I wrote most of my coursework, with an empty mug (previously containing my coursework-encouraging fruit tea), music on in the backgroud and facebook open in a different window. Suddenly, I'm not so worried about Thursday (results) - maybe because my brain has tricked itself into thinking it can still change the outcome, thinking that this will be an award winning essay that will get me 100%, or perhaps because I know that I still love doing this, and that no matter what results come out, I'll go somewhere and get to do it for 3 years.

This is not to say that tomorrow, I won't stay in bed until 2pm again and not get dressed until half 3; this is not to say that I won't be terrified at 6am next Thursday morning, and that I won't be gutted if I have to go to my second choice uni. But it is comforting. And that's something.

Sq.